Have you ever met someone who is bright, bubbly, and lights up every room when she walks in? This person, we’ll call her Terry, may not be the best looking in terms of traditional beauty. She may even be slightly overweight.
But none of that bothers her.
She’s genuinely happy and comfortable in her skin. She has problems just like the rest of us, but her problems don’t ruin her day and she will not let them define her. She’s a glass half-full type of girl.
I’ve met plenty of Terrys in my lifetime and you know what I’ve noticed?
Everyone is drawn to her. We immediately want to let our guards down, hang out and talk to her like we’ve known her forever. We feed off her confidence. Since Terry doesn’t judge us, we’re can be ourselves around her.
You wanna know why?
Because Terry loves and accepts herself, we subconsciously know that she’ll do the same for us. We love the way she cares for herself and deep inside, we know that if she doesn’t judge her own muffin top, she won’t judge ours. The love that she has for herself spills over onto every person she comes in contact with.
Love your neighbor AS you love yourself Mark 12:31
Every student knows that there are some classes that must be taken before you can take others. Those classes are called prerequisites. Algebra I is a prerequisite to Algebra II just as loving yourself unconditionally is a prerequisite to having someone else love you too. You can’t convince someone else that you’re worthy of their love if you don’t first convince yourself that you’re worthy of your own love.
Every one of us has a hole in our hearts that longs to be filled with love by someone we respect. But some people will never receive love from outside sources because they have yet to accept it from themselves.
You have to fill the hole first before anyone else will want to.
And it’s so obvious when your hole is empty. You become the exact opposite of Terry. When you walk into the room, your body language says “back off, don’t even think about talking to me.” You’re critical, judgmental, and unforgiving of everyone else.
Self-love begins when you give yourself a break. You understand that you don’t have to perform or be perfect in order to be worthy. You’re worthy just because you are.
Self-love means:
Never hiding who you really are. You can share your feelings – even the messy ones – and own up to the truth of your life and your mistakes.
Not feeling the need to prove anything to anyone, because you know your opinion (about you) is the only one that matters.
You don’t accept bad treatment or social pressure to do things you don’t want to do just because someone else expects you to.
You can fully receive love from someone else. You aren’t doubtful of their feelings. You never worry if their love will end or if you are good enough.
You don’t look for validation through social media or people. You’re happy with your choices and your life, just the way it is. Sure it would be nice if some things changed but if they won’t kill your vibe if they remain the same.
Truthfully, I wish all of us were Terrys. But most of us have our own insecurities and challenges to get over. And that’s ok as long as you keep working on it everyday.
If you need help getting started, enter your email address below for access to my Radical Relationship Library. Use the daily affirmations and the expressive writing exercises to get you started.
