Q. My husband and I are newlyweds and I love him very much. The only time we argue is when he gets upset because I try and tell him how to do something. He never wants me to be right or to know more than him about anything. Yesterday, I told him where to find a scripture and he closed the Bible and said he didn’t need it anymore. Last week, he was installing software on our office computer and I tried to help him and he didn’t want to talk after that. Is it me or does it seem like he’s competitive?
T.W.
A. Hi T.W. This could be a classic case of the power struggle phase, which usually comes from one or both partners being insecure with their position in the relationship.
When a man shows his insecurities in this way, it generally comes from him feeling the pressure to be an alpha male who is supposed to have it all together. He may be embarrassed or afraid to admit that there are some things that he can learn from you. And this is because he has yet to trust you with his vulnerabilities. He may be afraid that if he shows any signs of weakness that you may hold it against him, treat him as an inferior, or ever worse: you won’t need him anymore.
At this point, most women want me to say that he should “swallow his ego and just get over the fact that his wife is smarter than him.” I would say that, but I actually want you to be happy and succeed in your marriage.
If you want to be happy, there are a few things you must understand.
Men and women are equal but different.
For example, women can be insecure about their appearance. As a result, we want men to accept that we need reassurance that they find us beautiful no matter how much weight we gain.
Men can be insecure about their ability to add value to your life. Though they many never admit it, men want us to accept their need for reassurance that we still need them even if we are capable of taking care of ourselves.
This may strike you as strange and petty. You may not understand it, but you do need to accept it IF you want to be happy.
I make the comparison between men and women because it’s common for us to point out their insecurities while ignoring our own. We need to understand that everyone has faults and everyone needs help in overcoming them. If we want to live in harmony with each other, we must accept these truths.
So, instead of telling him to swallow his ego, you have to be smart and accept that this is a minor hiccup on the road to marital bliss. Once you’ve gained his trust and he feels assured that you will always need him, he’ll let his guard down and not be afraid to accept your help.
In the meantime,
Put Being HAPPY Ahead Of Being RIGHT!
Reassure your husband of how smart and capable he is. Keep reminding him that your life would never be the same without him. If you have a guy who loves you, treats you well, and makes you his priority, this is a small price to pay.
Don’t be “that girl” who insists on being right, independent, and competitive with her man. Be the girl who understands that her man isn’t perfect, but he’s worth it! Be the girl that understands that he has faults just like she does.
