Loosing weight and advancing careers aren’t the only goals people are setting for new year’s resolutions.
All the single ladies (and men) want to know what they can do at the beginning of the year to make their love life better than it was the year before.
So much so, that dating apps have affectionately declared the first Sunday of every year to be Dating Sunday—the busiest online dating day of the year. As it turns out, it happens to be the one day of the year when a high percentage of singles join dating sites to actively look for love.
Perhaps they don’t want to spend another holiday season alone. Perhaps they broke up so they wouldn’t have to spend another holiday season with the wrong person. Or maybe they’re simply on a mission to find love before Valentine’s Day.
Whatever the reasons, I have to pose this question:
Does adding “love” to your to-do list make it easier to find?
I don’t think so.
If it’s just another box that you’re wanting to check off, any living organism will do. After all, you could easily get involved in another relationship that’s doomed from the start, just to be able to say you’ve been there and done that.
But is it really what you want?
What happens if you’re still not in a relationship by 6 months? 9 months? Next Christmas?
Putting something so complicated and interpersonal on your list will lead you down a road of blindly making bad decisions in a desperate attempt to prove your worth to yourself and to the world.
The real secret to finding love and keeping love is to put yourself in the best position possible, so that when love finds you, it won’t want to let you go.
I’m not against anyone who wants their happily ever after, but instead of putting “love” on your list, try putting one of these:
- Do all that I can to become physically attractive so that I feel good about myself
- Discover who I am and what I like so that I engage in interesting conversations instead of waiting for love to define me
- Make myself emotionally attractive so that I attract exactly what I want—no more co-dependent losers!
- Learn how to effectively communicate so there won’t be any blurred lines
- Raise my esteem so that I know my worth and only accept the best
- Stop wasting time on friends with benefits so that I can make room for a man with a plan
- Get out more often and find a new hobby so that I can share a part of me with someone else
- Get my emotions under control so that I won’t appear needy
- Get my finances under control so that I won’t be mistaken for a needy gold-digger
These are active steps that anyone can take to take the focus off looking for love and put it on something more worthwhile.
Rather than spending so much time focusing on destination love, focus on the journey itself.
The journey to love will expose you to the fun, lighter side of life that you don’t see when you’re sitting there waiting for it to happen.
The journey to love will be paved with so much excitement that you’re not busy looking for love, but you’re busy becoming love.
The journey to love will keep you so pre-occupied with your own life that you’re not worried about when you will get there. The truth is, you may never know when, but you can know for sure that you will get there because you’ve become such an amazing person!
