Dear Marcee,
How do I know if my current partner is in line with God’s will for me? We were once happy and now we fight every other week and silence goes on for weeks. I’m ready to let go, but wondering if this is a test or am I just ignoring the red flags?
Tonya N.
Hey Tonya,
No relationship is perfect.
Each one has it’s share of drama, but drama shouldn’t be the norm. Most of your interactions should be positive and loving. Your interactions should leave you feeling like you’re on the same page—as opposed to fighting over who gets to turn the page.
A few disagreements may not be enough to convince you one way or the other. If you want to know if he’s the one God has for you, here are three undeniable ways to find out.
God always leads us through internal peace. When you think or talk about a specific situation that He’s put you in, you’ll feel His peace. Colossians 3:15 (Amplified) says,
And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds…
In sports, an umpire enforces rules and decides who’s in or out of the game. Sometimes, we refer to this as our intuition, but it’s the Holy Spirit using peace to guide you. If you’ve ever done something wrong and afterwards, thought to yourself: “something told me not to do that” or “not to go there,” that was the Holy Spirit. The more you get to know Him, the better you are at hearing and following Him.
The best way to practice this, is to ask God: “Is he the one?” Quiet your emotions and remove all distractions. Pay attention to how you feel deep inside. Do you feel peace or frustration?
Another way you can be sure if he’s the one God has for you, is to fast AND pray for the answer. Fasting humbles you and helps you control your physical needs in order for your spirit to feel and hear God better.
Your physical body can handicap your spiritual “ears” when you need to hear God.
For example, most of us rely on our eyes to taste and identify foods. Your eyes are connected to your taste buds and they help you discern different tastes. If it doesn’t look good, you hesitate to eat it. That’s why chefs love to make dramatic food presentations.
And sometimes, even when food looks good, it doesn’t always taste good. Your eyes can mislead you the same way your physical body can mislead you.
That’s why fasting is necessary.
It separates your physical body from your spirit so you can hear God and ignore your body when it tells you: “it feels good to be with him.”
When something feels good to your body, it can get it the way of you hearing God. The more it feels good, the more you cater to it, the stronger it gets.
But, the longer you fast, the stronger your spirit gets.
Fasting is one way for you to blindfold your body long enough to hear God. It’s the same as telling your body:
“Shut up! I’m ignoring you because I need to hear God speak.”
Lastly, if you aren’t able to hear God through peace or fasting, try taking a break from the relationship. This is a lot harder to do than the other two because your body, mind, and emotions will start speaking to you. They will protest and tell you “you’re crazy.”
But, stepping back from a relationship allows you time to clear your head and think about what you really want.
When you’re in a relationship your judgement gets clouded by emotions. Even if your head knows he’s not right for you, your heart makes you believe you’re in love or you’ve invested so much time and energy, so you may as well work it out.
That’s because,
Where you treasure is, your heart is there also. (Matthew 6:21).
Your time, energy, and money are treasures, and where ever you spend them, your heart is sure to follow.
Your break should be used wisely. Ask him to give you a specific amount of time –up to two weeks—to process your feelings. During this time, think and pray about whether this is the type of relationship you really want. Decide for yourself, without interference from him, if it’s a good idea to move forward.
Evaluate the red flags. Don’t ignore red them, because they will only get worse after marriage. Marriage doesn’t solve problems— it magnifies them.
At the end of the time period, let him know exactly what you want.
