Toxic relationships are not necessarily made up of bad people.
They are made up of at least one broken person who wants love but doesn’t know how to give it without also giving some of their baggage to the other person,
and another broken person who accepts or tolerates the baggage because it’s the only form of love they know.
Both people may have good intentions, but bad actions.
For those reasons, it can be hard to end a toxic relationship. Who wants to leave a “good person” who just needs help getting on the right track? Leaving can make you feel guilty as if you’re supposed to sacrifice yourself for their happiness. Except, they’re never happy with anything you do.
Therefore, staying in a toxic relationship will only make both of you miserable. If you need help ending a toxic relationship, take the following steps:
- Be honest with yourself. It takes two to tango and if you’ve been in a toxic relationship for more than a few months, that says a lot about you. If you were willing to settle for this kind of love, you need to know why so that you don’t repeat the mistake. Ask yourself: Why did you stay? What void are you trying to fill? Why would you allow yourself to be treated this way? Do you feel like you deserve better? How do you define love? Are you afraid to be alone?
- Be honest with him. In a toxic relationship, one partner always wants to hold on to what’s not working or else there wouldn’t be a relationship. If you’ve tried to break-up before and you ended up going back, do something different. Write a letter and send it to him, for the sake of closure. Use facts, not emotion, to explain all the reasons why the relationship is not good for either of you. Even if he commits to changing, he should be able to do that without your involvement. Until both of you are completely healed, the relationship will remain toxic.
- Break all contact with him. This may not be as easy for some as it is for others. But when you’re serious about ending it once and for all, you do what you have to do. That may include blocking his number in your phone, deleting social media connections, changing jobs, and declining to hang out with mutual friends. If he’s persistent, you may even have to resort to moving.
- Get rid of his stuff. I know you made good memories and some of the gifts are sentimental. But that’s the problem. Sentimental things have a way of making of us romanticize the past so that any problems connected to him are minimized. It keeps you connected to a person who is not good for you. Say bye-bye to pictures, gifts, movies, and music.
- Take time off from relationships and begin the healing process. My time off journey lasted almost four years. I’m not saying everyone’s journey will be the same, but it was worth it! If you don’t get healed, you’ll attract more toxicity from others. The sooner you start the process, the less likely you are to go back into that relationship or one similar to it.
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